On Monday, I will be turning 29. I’m usually excited about birthdays and especially my own but this time I don’t feel the excitement. I was a few months ago. I was ecstatic. I kept counting down but now I feel meh about it.
I can’t put this feeling into words. Why does it feel like something is missing? Why does my 28th year feel empty? I was honest with my feelings with my aunt, my friend, and various other situations. I am happy with my roommate and my house. I even got a job! Overall, I feel happy. Content. Something is weighing on me.
The last time something weighed on me like this, I came clean about what I was feeling. It didn’t turn out the way I wanted but, it felt good and I felt like I was in charge! Since I don’t know what’s bothering me, I can’t plan, decide, and attack. I just want to be able to be excited.
I don’t even know what I want to do. I just wanna hang out in Echo Park Lake, drink, and eat with my friends. Which is great but I always have plans for my birthday. I love plans. I love knowing what I want to do. I have my 30th birthday planned. I want to go camping in Sequoia National Park since I haven’t been. Maybe this feeling is not knowing what I want to do. I didn’t know what I wanted to do last year. I went home early after a mystery shot, 2 boozy drinks, and a grilled cheese sandwich. I didn’t trust myself to drink more for a numerous amount of reasons.
I know what I am doing this weekend. I have the perfect weekend planned out. iHop with M, coffee and movies, drinks with N and J, and a park hang with my more friends. I was planning on going to the doctors but I can’t afford to pay a copay of 70$ until my next check. So, I may just play the Sims all day and go visit my friends at their jobs. Maybe this is what I want and I just feel like I have to do something big. Who knows?
Next up, will be part two of my love of The Sims for Fav Fridays.
Love & Ice Cream, Sequoia