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whateverwednesday

Go Shawty, It’s Your Birthday?

something is weighing on me

On Monday, I will be turning 29. I’m usually excited about birthdays and especially my own but this time I don’t feel the excitement. I was a few months ago. I was ecstatic. I kept counting down but now I feel meh about it.

I can’t put this feeling into words. Why does it feel like something is missing? Why does my 28th year feel empty? I was honest with my feelings with my aunt, my friend, and various other situations. I am happy with my roommate and my house. I even got a job! Overall, I feel happy. Content. Something is weighing on me.

The last time something weighed on me like this, I came clean about what I was feeling. It didn’t turn out the way I wanted but, it felt good and I felt like I was in charge! Since I don’t know what’s bothering me, I can’t plan, decide, and attack. I just want to be able to be excited.

I don’t even know what I want to do. I just wanna hang out in Echo Park Lake, drink, and eat with my friends. Which is great but I always have plans for my birthday. I love plans. I love knowing what I want to do. I have my 30th birthday planned. I want to go camping in Sequoia National Park since I haven’t been. Maybe this feeling is not knowing what I want to do. I didn’t know what I wanted to do last year. I went home early after a mystery shot, 2 boozy drinks, and a grilled cheese sandwich.  I didn’t trust myself to drink more for a numerous amount of reasons.

I know what I am doing this weekend. I have the perfect weekend planned out. iHop with M, coffee and movies, drinks with N and J, and a park hang with my more friends. I was planning on going to the doctors but I can’t afford to pay a copay of 70$ until my next check. So, I may just play the Sims all day and go visit my friends at their jobs. Maybe this is what I want and I just feel like I have to do something big. Who knows?

Next up, will be part two of my love of The Sims for Fav Fridays.

Love & Ice Cream, Sequoia

Los Angeles, CA, USA

By Sequoia Bey

Self Proclaimed ice cream kween, Sequoia Bey is living it up in Los Angeles with her cat, Edgar. When she's not working or writing , she's either online window shopping or catching up on her shows.

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